Panacea
by boutondor
Summary: "I'm sorry. I feel I've been a bit shanghaied here. It seems Lisbon is getting better and better at pulling one on me." "I'm sure Agent Lisbon never meant for you to feel cornered." Jane chuckled again. "Oh, she did. Believe me, she did."
1. Chapter One

**Author's Notes: **Okay, so I have been off the radar for quite some time. I got writer's block and then life got in the way, but I'm back :) For those of you who read Amalgamation, I haven't forgotten about it. I'm still working on it and will hopefully update it soon. I hope you enjoy this one.

_M-Rating for future chapters. This will be 10 chapters long._

**~o~**

**For Chizuru Chibi. Happy **_**VERY**_** belated birthday. Hope you enjoy it.**

Thanks to Lily for editing and Tracie, Yana and Grace for being awesome cheerleaders.

**~o~**

**Chapter One**

Patrick Jane hesitated before opening the door, thinking over his strategy. He had heard that it was going to be a woman. That made it infinitely easier for him. He could easily charm her. So before getting into the room, Jane straightened up, opened the door and stepped in, smile on his face, ready for the show.

His smile faltered as soon as he saw who was sitting at the desk.

He chuckled to hide his embarrassment and surprise. He was definitely going to have to rethink his strategy. "Sophie. Um, Dr. Miller," he greeted the woman. "I didn't expect to see you."

Sophie got up from her chair and smiled warmly at him. "It's really good to see you, Patrick."

"It's good to see you too," he answered, unsure if it were true or not. He knew he wouldn't be able to charm his way out of this mandatory therapy with Sophie like he would have done with anyone else. He sat down in one of the two armchairs in a corner of the office. "I think it's pretty useless to do polite chit-chat on the coincidence that you are my therapist."

Sophie nodded as she sat in the other chair. "Yes, it would be useless. Agent Hightower called me for a favor, which I was more than happy to give."

"Hightower, huh?" Jane asked skeptically, not so easily fooled. He knew who was behind this and why. "Please, this has Lisbon written all over it. She knew that you would be the only person who would get me to talk. Clever one, isn't she?"

"I think she cares a great deal about you."

Jane laughed, irritated by Sophie wasting both of their times by stating the obvious. He definitely wasn't happy with this turn of events. He liked her; he really did, but her presence meant that this ordeal would be more of a hassle than he had previously believed. "That's hardly a revelation," he told her. "Any other wonderful insights, Dr. Miller?"

Sophie narrowed her eyes. "Patrick, these sessions are mandatory and despite my…" she paused, thinking of the appropriate word, "fondness for you, I will sign you off only when I feel that it is appropriate for me to do so."

Jane relaxed a bit into his chair and sighed, smiling at Sophie apologetically. Sophie had always looked out for him. Why would it be any different now? "I'm sorry. I feel I've been a bit shanghaied here. It seems Lisbon is getting better and better at pulling one on me."

"I'm sure Agent Lisbon never meant for you to feel cornered."

Jane chuckled again. Clearly, she hadn't assessed Lisbon's character yet. "Oh, she did. _Believe me_, she did."

Sophie eyed him carefully, gauging his reaction as she asked her next question: "Does it bother you?"

He wasn't too sure what bothered him more: Lisbon shanghaiing him or Sophie asking him if it bothered him. "We're already starting with the shrink stuff, huh?"

Sophie shrugged nonchalantly. "That's why we're here," she answered non-apologetically. "You haven't answered my question." Jane grinned at her. He had always liked this about Sophie Miller: she wasn't a bullshitter. He knew she would get him to talk so he might as well talk. If he gave the illusion of cooperating, she would probably sign him off sooner rather than later.

"On the surface, yes," he answered her. "It's irritating when someone gets the better of you. But in reality, I quite like it. She gives as good as she gets," he said with a smile, thinking about his spunky Lisbon fooling him.

"Was she like that when you met her?" The question startled him, although it shouldn't have. It was a simple question, but he wasn't duped. He knew the meaning behind the question. Did he, Patrick Jane, influence Teresa Lisbon to change a fairly big part of her personality? The answer was unfortunately yes. He had made Lisbon a little more cunning and conniving than she naturally was. He looked at Sophie straight in the eyes, and from the expression on her face, it didn't look like he needed to answer her question.

"Do you like to see yourself in Lisbon then?" she asked, not waiting for an answer she already knew.

Jane did not like this question. These were the dangerous territories he was very keen on avoiding. "Isn't this little therapy session supposed to be about what happened with Red John?"

Sophie raised an eyebrow and looked at him, silently, for a good minute, clearly working something out in her head. Finally, she nodded, and said, "Fine. We can talk about Red John, if you prefer. How do you feel about his death?"

"Relieved." He paused. "Irritated."

"Why the irritation?"

"I didn't get to slit his throat."

"But you did kill him. It was what you wanted. You got your revenge." Apparently, Sophie was inclined for a 'state the obvious' therapy session.

"I was quite partial to the throat-cutting scenario," Jane insisted.

"Why didn't you slit his throat then?"

"Because –" Jane stopped himself and laughed. He _almost_ fell for it. "Very clever, Dr. Miller," he congratulated her.

"What?" she asked innocently, but Jane wasn't fooled.

"Why do you want me to talk about Agent Lisbon so much?"

"She was the only other person present at the scene beside yourself and Red John," Sophie explained simply, which Jane, once again, wasn't buying. He had a feeling he was going to need to take back his earlier statement about Sophie not being a bullshitter.

"What's the real reason?" Jane persisted.

"When I met you, and discharged you, Patrick, you had no one in your life. You were alone. Today, it's quite the opposite. You have people in your life you care about and one of them prevented you from doing the one thing you desired the most, the one thing you were living for."

"What's your point?" Jane said irritably. He really didn't like where this conversation was going. Maybe he should just quit the CBI. This mandatory therapy was definitely much harder work than he had anticipated.

"Why do you want to remain close to the one person who didn't make your goal a reality?"

"Because I've got nothing else to do." He gave her his automatic answer, the one that seemed to satisfy everyone's curiosity.

"That might be good enough for Hightower and Lisbon, but I'm not buying it."

"I'm not sure what you want me to say." He was not ready to go there. He didn't want to talk about his relationship with Lisbon. It was too complex.

"I wonder, Patrick, if your decision to remain with the CBI isn't solely dependent on not knowing what else to do. The CBI is the easy way out."

"I don't find these mandatory therapy sessions an easy way out," Jane pointed out.

Sophie chuckled. "True, but they're only a temporary inconvenience." She checked her watch. "Our time's almost up. Do me a favor, please. This week just think about what you would do if you couldn't stay with the CBI or join any other law enforcement agency. What would you do?"

"I've always been keen on becoming a clown."

Sophie smiled, clearly amused, but sent him a warning glare. "I'm serious."

"So am I."

"See you next week, Patrick," she dismissed him.

**~o~**

**To Be Continued…**


	2. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two**

Jane was lying on Lisbon's couch, thinking about what Sophie had asked him. He shifted his gaze toward Lisbon, who was working diligently. She didn't seem to notice that he had woken up, or even that he was there in the first place. He almost always slept on her couch rather than his now. It wasn't particularly more comfortable, but the sound of a hardworking Lisbon was quite soothing and he liked the smell of her cinnamon spiked perfume in the air.

"What would you do if you weren't a cop?" he suddenly asked her. Sophie's question had made him wonder about Lisbon's own life and career path.

"Excuse me?" she asked, startled.

"What would you do if you weren't a cop?" he repeated himself.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, if for some reason there was no way for you to be part of any law enforcement agency, what would you have done with your life?"

Lisbon looked at him, wide eyed. "I don't know. I can't think of anything."

"You must have had some kind of backup plan in case you didn't get into the academy," he pressed on, even though he was pretty sure she hadn't.

Lisbon shook her head. "No, this was the only thing I wanted to do. The only thing I could ever be good at."

Jane sat up, now fully alert. As if Lisbon could be good at only one thing. "Please, there are lots of things you would be very good at."

"Not like being a cop."

Jane thought about it for a minute. He thought about Lisbon's perseverance, about how much she cared about the victim's survivors without showing it, how fast she ran and how she could tackle a suspect like no one else, how well she interviews witnesses and suspects, how good she was at putting pieces of a puzzle together. Lisbon was definitely good at being a cop. Then he thought about how good she was with people. She was a quiet, subdued presence, always there, always supportive. Jane had put her through hell and back, more than once; nevertheless, Lisbon remained by his side, supporting him, defending him. Lisbon sacrificed her childhood for her brothers and was sacrificing her adulthood for countless victims, including him.

"You would have made a fantastic social worker," Jane stated.

She frowned at first and then seemed to consider it. "I don't think I'm patient enough."

Jane shook his head, disagreeing. "You're patient enough. I don't think social workers should be painstakingly patient. Actually, you're not impatient enough."

She chuckled, surprised. "Really? Are you actually saying I'm too patient?"

"In general, no," he said with an amused smile, "but with certain people for whom you have a weakness, yes." Lisbon's face turned into a radiant and amused smile. It was beautiful and it had been too long since he's seen such a nice smile on her face.

"And with whom do I have a weakness do you think?"

Jane grinned back. "Rigsby and Van Pelt, of course." Lisbon looked temporarily taken aback, but recovered quickly, still smiling. She seemed to understand that he was teasing and they both knew exactly who he was talking about.

"Of course." She paused for a few seconds and eyed him carefully, a glitter of amusement still in her eyes. "Would there be anyone else on my team for whom I have a weakness?"

Jane wondered if it was the light-hearted tone of the conversation that pushed Lisbon to push the issue. He wondered how far she would go for him to actually acknowledge that he knows how she feels. "There's Cho, of course. Although, he hardly needs your patience as he is so loyal to you that he would never put you in an awkward situation."

Lisbon nodded, her smile softening at the thought of her faithful friend. "Cho is loyal," she concurred.

"When I first met you two I thought you were sleeping together."

"Really?" Lisbon seemed completely flabbergasted that anyone would seem to think so. Knowing her and Cho so well now, he was not surprised she was reacting this way. Their relationship was as close to siblings as it could be. The thought probably never occurred to either of them. Well, maybe once or twice. They were both very attractive people after all.

"He loves you very much," Jane explained to her.

"I love him too," she answered simply, and then she looked at him in a way she's never looked at him before. It was intimate, inquisitive and open all at once. He could almost hear what was in her head: _but not the way I love you._

Jane straightened up and cleared his throat. He was not ready to go there. Not yet, not ever. Their light-hearted conversation had silently taken a much too serious tone for him. "So, anyway, I think you would have made a good social worker."

"What about you? What would you have done if the fake psychic thing or police consultant hadn't worked out?" Lisbon asked, clearly understanding that the conversation had gotten too serious.

"I have no idea."

Lisbon joined him on the couch. "I think you would have made an amazing kindergarten teacher."

Jane tried to consider it. He had a difficult time imagining himself as one. He was used to working with adults, not children. He didn't like manipulating children and he couldn't imagine having a job that didn't require his keen intuition.

"You're great with children, no doubt; I've seen you countless times with them and you have a knack to make them feel at ease and appreciated, but it's not just that," she began to explain. "A kindergarten teacher is very important; their duty is to inspire kids to learn. You would be really good at that. I think you would easily teach children the desire to discover, experience and learn. I think you've missed your calling."

Jane smiled. Maybe Lisbon was onto something. It did seem like this was something he would have loved to do. He liked children because they were honest and true, especially the young ones. They haven't learned deception yet, and their meager attempts at deceiving were usually appalling. They were open to anything and so full of life. They were a breath of fresh air.

He was touched Lisbon had noticed enough about him to know this.

**~o~**

**Author's Notes: **You guys are really awesome. Thanks for all the reviews :) As a warning, some chapters will be very short while others will be quite long. Please bear with me. I'm trying to post these at the same pace as my beta edits. She's promised to edit some more this week. You can't blame her; I sent her 14k + 3k word fics in 2 weeks, and she's got a life!


	3. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three**

"Kindergarten teacher," Jane said as soon as he sat down in the armchair.

"Excuse me?" Sophie asked, his conversation starter taking her by surprise.

"I would be a kindergarten teacher if I wasn't in law enforcement. I would have loved to inspire children to explore new things and learn."

Sophie smiled. "I think that fits you very well," she agreed.

"Lisbon suggested it," he blurted out without thinking.

"She did, did she?" Sophie asked, tongue-in-cheek. If this was a TV cartoon, Sophie would have been wriggling her eyebrows and sporting a corner smile.

"Well, we were just talking and…" he trailed off, uncomfortable with the conversation. He didn't want to revisit the conversation he had had with Lisbon. It had gone on a slippery slope he hadn't liked.

Sophie saved him: "So would that be an option you would consider?"

Jane chuckled. "I think I'm a little old to go to college." It hadn't occurred to him to waste four years of his life, burying himself in debts when he was 18, so college seemed even more unappealing at 41.

"No one's ever too old to get an education," Sophie pointed out.

Jane shrugged. "It doesn't matter. I prefer working for the CBI."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. I need to get justice for the people who have been brutally murdered. It's kind of in my blood now. I don't want to do anything else."

"So no children in your future?"

Jane looked at her closely, trying to figure out what was behind her question. It didn't take long to read her; he knew. "I've done the family thing already. I don't want a replacement one."

"It's not about replacing your family; it's about building a new life."

"I don't want to build a new life."

"You're already building one. You can't make life stand still, Patrick."

"Watch me."

Sophie sighed, but Jane felt he had won this round. Her sigh was one of resignation more than anything else. She changed the subject, "Do you necessarily want to work with the serious crime unit?"

"Why are you questioning my work for the CBI or the SCU?"

"Patrick, you've wanted to avenge your family in a specific manner and you didn't get to do it. Why?"

"You know why."

"Yes, but I want you to tell me," she insisted.

"Sophie, this is ridiculous." Jane was beginning to get impatient. It felt like this session was going round in circles without going anywhere. So far, all he'd felt was frustration. She'd been asking completely irrelevant things so far and he felt that she was nowhere near ready to sign him off and he was already getting sick of these therapy sessions.

"No, it's not. I bet you haven't talked about it once, not to anyone. You're doing a classic self-denial. You can't say I'm wrong," she argued.

"I thought I wouldn't have to deal with all that popular psychology stuff with you."

Sophie smiled, triumphant. "You thought wrong." She took on a serious face again and asked once more, "Please tell me about that day." Jane gave out a really long and loud sigh more for effect than actual annoyance. He had known that Sophie Miller was far too clever to sign him off without at least talking about it. He had just thought he would have had more time. Guess Sophie had won this round.

"There's not much to tell. Red John had Lisbon. We, well, _I_ figured out where he was detaining her. I got there, knife and gun in hand, ready to strike. He was standing over Lisbon's body with a knife hovering over her. She was bleeding from the stomach. I wasn't sure if she was still alive but I couldn't take the risk so I shot him."

There was a silence then. Sophie looked as if she was absorbing what he was saying, which really didn't seem necessary as Jane knew she was already aware of all this. Finally, she spoke: "How many times did you shoot him?"

Jane frowned, unsure where Sophie was going with this. "Three, no four, times." He watched her pensive face, trying to read it. What was she getting at? And then it struck him. But it was already too late. He had fallen into her trap. Clever Dr. Miller. "Yes, you're right. I wanted to make sure he was dead."

"You could have easily shot him once and then slit his throat."

"I couldn't risk it."

"You didn't know that she was still alive."

"I couldn't risk it," he repeated himself, almost desperately. He willed Sophie not to go there. He wasn't ready. His conversation with Lisbon earlier that week had taken such an unwanted serious turn that he really wasn't ready to face this conversation with Sophie.

Fortunately for him, Sophie seemed to realize this and turned the conversation toward safer grounds. "Wouldn't it be easier if you consulted for another unit for a little while, have a little bit of… distance?"

Jane shook his head. "I only trust the SCU and I can't work with someone I don't trust."

Sophie nodded. "Fair enough."

Jane felt satisfied that he had appeased her and thought, hoped, that she would sign him off. "So does that mean you're ready to sign me off?"

"Almost."

Jane closed his eyes briefly and sighed out of frustration. "What's missing?"

"You know what. You can't work with Agent Lisbon until you have resolved your issues with her. If you don't want to talk about it, we can talk about something else in the meantime, but I will not sign you off until we really talk about this."

Jane straightened up, ready to tackle the bull by the horns. He knew Sophie Miller well enoughto know that he wouldn't be able to maneuver his way around this one so he might as well take the band-aid off quickly. "Fine. Ask the questions and I shall answer."

"Are you in love with her?"

Jane's eyes widened. "You're pretty straightforward today."

"You want me to sign you off as quickly as possible so I'm cutting to the chase."

"Fair enough," Jane conceded. He didn't really feel like he had anything to hide, but he wasn't entirely comfortable talking about his personal feelings toward Lisbon. Nevertheless, he was fairly sure Sophie already knew the truth so lying or deceiving her would be futile at best. He went for straightforward honest: "Yes, I am in love with her."

Sophie smiled a really beautiful, bright smile. She had always been a romantic at heart. "What are you going to do about it?" she asked him point-blank.

"I was thinking nothing," he said genially. He had long ago come to terms with his feelings toward Lisbon. He had never seen it as obligatory to pursue them in the hopes of establishing a romantic relationship.

"Nothing?" Sophie seemed surprised and he didn't understand why. Lisbon wouldn't have been surprised. At least he didn't think so. She knew that this whole notion of moving on wasn't for him.

"That seems like a good plan. I like the status quo."

Sophie frowned. "The status quo? The very ambiguous friendship you currently have?"

Jane straightened up, slightly offended. There was a definite negative connotation to what she had just said and he resented it. He didn't accept that anyone criticized in any way his relationship with Lisbon. It was the best thing in his life, despite what had occurred with Red John, and he didn't like the implication that anyone could see their relationship as anything but good. "Why would you characterize my relationship with Lisbon as ambiguous? The last time you saw us together was over three years ago," he said defensively.

"I can read between the lines," she answered, keeping her amiable tone. He had forgotten this particular trait of Sophie Miller. She could be dead serious, but always amiable, always calm. Well, as a doctor anyway. "You're in love with her, but you're fine with your relationship remaining platonic?"

"As a matter of fact, I am." He didn't see what was so wrong with this. Certainly, it wasn't conventional, but if he was true and honest, what was wrong about it?

"When was the last time you had sex, Patrick?"

Jane grinned. This turn of the conversation was definitely something he could handle. "You're not seriously asking me that. How is that relevant?"

"I think it's extremely relevant when we're talking about your being in love with a woman and being satisfied with a platonic relationship with her," she answered with a matter-of-fact tone.

Jane thought about it for a minute. Last time must have been Dana Bristow, sister of a case victim. "Four months ago. A one night stand," he specified, anticipating Sophie's questions about the nature of the relationship with his sexual partner.

"So you would be fully satisfied maintaining a platonic relationship with Teresa while having affairs on the side?"

"Yes."

"What about Lisbon?"

"What _about_ Lisbon?" Jane wasn't duped; he knew exactly what Sophie asked, but he didn't see how this was relevant as moving on was simply not an option for him. Dr. Miller was one stubborn mule.

"Is this what she wants?"

"Probably not, but it's all I can give her."

Sophie glanced at the clock. Her lips were pressed tightly together. She was annoyed… no, angry. He watched her look over her notes and her face forming into a frown. She tapped once, twice on her notepad and looked at him. She looked disappointed. Did she really think she was going to change him in two sessions? Probably not, but she most likely hoped they would have made better progress. Jane, on the other hand, only cared about her signing off on him.

"I want you to come with Agent Lisbon next week," she demanded.

Jane didn't like the idea one bit. These sessions were awful enough; dragging Lisbon into them would not improve them. "This isn't about my relationship with Lisbon," He said defensively.

"Agent Heightower gave me full reign. Your contract is up at the end of next month, Patrick. If I don't sign you off, the CBI won't renew it. I want to see you with Agent Lisbon next week."

Jane hesitated. He was afraid of what Sophie would tell Lisbon. She had way too much information about him on hand.

As if sensing his fears, Sophie reassured him. "What you said in here the last two weeks is strictly confidential, Patrick. You know that. Bring Agent Lisbon with you next week." She got up and went back to her desk, glancing furtively back at him, adding, "Have a good week."

"Good luck convincing Lisbon to come," Jane said offhandedly as he got up from the chair and headed toward the door. It was Sophie's funeral after all.

"Oh, I'm not the one who's going to do the convincing; you are."

Jane looked at her incredulously, ready to argue. He could have easily come up with a number of very persuasive arguments, but he knew Sophie would always have her principal card in her back pocket. If he didn't do as she said, she wouldn't sign off on him. "You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

Sophie smiled at him, that nice, congenial smile that softened his heart at the worst of times. "A little bit, I must admit. Mostly, I want you to have a happy, fulfilled life and I'll take whatever below-the-belt means I can think of to get you as close to one as possible."

"I'm a hopeless case, you know that," he said, barely above a whisper. He never understood why Dr. Sophie Miller had always had such high, unrealistic hopes for him.

"That's what the other psychiatrists used to say when I first met you," she answered before looking over someone else's file. "See you next week." Sophie had always been good at touching at the heart of the matter and then let the effects of the touch take their course, never pushing them to action. She knew when things were extremely sensitive and could only be probed with the most delicacy. She knew he was ashamed of his breakdown. Still, she believed in him more than anyone else he'd known, except maybe for Lisbon.

He quietly slipped out of the office.

~o~

**Author's Notes:** Thanks for all the awesome reviews again :) Special Thanks to Amy, Anna and lisbon69 who reviewed anonymously.


	4. Chapter Four and Five

**Chapter Four**

Jane walked into Lisbon's office, a mug of coffee and a cup of tea in hand, and sat in the chair in front of Lisbon's desk rather than his now customary position on her couch. She raised her head when he set the mug in front of her, her eyebrows quirked up quizzically. She didn't say a word, however, preferring to silently wait for him to speak while she sipped the fresh hot coffee.

Jane watched her looking at him, noting how her expressions changed as she tried to read him. First, the surprise, then the suspicion, and to finally end with some kind of contentment; she trusted him. He wished it didn't automatically spread a very warm, fuzzy feeling across his entire body.

Ignoring his subconscious reaction to the attractive woman in front of him, he finally dived into the subject he'd been avoiding all week: "Are you busy tomorrow around 4 o'clock?"

Lisbon frowned and immediately turned to her monitor, her hand guiding the mouse as she undoubtedly looked at her calendar. "No, I'm completely free. Why?"

"Sophie wants you to be there for my next session."

"Why?" Lisbon demanded to know, which hardly surprised him. Lisbon always wanted to know the reason for everything. It was one of the reasons why she was such a good cop.

"She didn't really say, but I assume it has to do with the fact that you were the only other person there when I killed Red John." It was partly true after all.

"I was passed out," she pointed out.

"True, but she still wants you to come, so will you?"

Lisbon looked at him for a good 30 seconds and Jane held her gaze the entire time willing his facial features not to betray him. Finally, she tore her eyes from his and went back to work, right after saying, "Okay."

"Okay? So you'll come."

She nodded. "Yes, I will be there."

"I'm surprised you're not fighting this more."

Lisbon shrugged. "I suppose if I come, the quicker she'll sign off on you and we can put this whole thing behind us."

Jane smiled. "Exactly."

~o~

**Chapter Five**

Sophie had set three chairs in the corner of her office where there were usually only two. She had arranged them in circle rather than two lined up and one across. "Thank you for coming, Agent Lisbon, Patrick. Please, take a seat," Sophie offered Lisbon, indicating the three chairs. Lisbon sat on the chair that was the furthest (probably by 2 millimeters) from the other two chairs. Jane glanced at Lisbon; she was fidgety; nervously crossing and uncrossing her legs. She finally settled for crossed legs which for Jane indicated how nervous she was; Lisbon never crossed her legs. He tried to catch her eye to reassure her, but she was avoiding his gaze.

Once still, Lisbon straightened up and looked squarely at Sophie, pretending that she was perfectly comfortable with the situation. She wasn't fooling him, however, and he doubted she was fooling Sophie. "Do you know why I have asked you to come, Agent Lisbon?" Sophie asked as she and Jane sat down on the two remaining chairs.

"I suppose it has something to do with Red John's death."

Sophie nodded. "Patrick told me his version of the events. I'd like to have yours."

Lisbon shrugged as if it wasn't a big deal to her, as if that day had been a day like any other. Neither Jane nor Sophie was deceived. "Where do you want me to start?" Lisbon asked as casually as she could.

"How about starting with the moment Red John kidnapped you?" Sophie suggested.

Lisbon's eyes shifted to the window on the wall to her left. It looked like she was looking outside, but her pupils were unfocused and Jane suspected she was suddenly far away from the room. She discreetly took in a long breath and turned back to Sophie. Her eyes were still unfocused so Jane doubted Lisbon was actually looking at the psychiatrist. "Well, I honestly don't remember much. I woke up in the middle of the night with a dark figure over my head. I didn't have much time to react before he put a cloth with what I assume was chloroform over my mouth and I passed out. Next thing I knew I was on a concrete floor in a dark, damp and cold warehouse," Lisbon said, not betraying any emotion. She sounded as professional as she did when she interrogated witnesses or suspects. She paused then, and Sophie took the opportunity to interrupt her.

"How do you feel about being in your house now?"

"It's fine." She looked away from Sophie; she was getting annoyed. He could tell by the way her lips were now forming a thin line and how her eyes were staring off in the distance. After a few seconds, Lisbon looked at Sophie again, defiance showing in her eyes. "I thought this was about what happened when Red John was killed. This isn't about me," Lisbon said defensively. It was clear that Lisbon had defined in her head what she would be comfortable talking about and what she wouldn't be. Her feelings about being in her house were definitely not one of them.

Sophie nodded. "Of course," she reassured amiably. She smiled reassuringly at Lisbon and said, "I was just concerned about you not feeling as secure in your home as you once were. Most people who have had someone breaking into their home have difficulty feeling safe in it again."

"I'm a cop. I can handle these things. Besides, Red John is dead, so he won't be breaking into my house any time soon. I refuse to let him make me scared in my own home. I won't give him that pleasure, especially in death," Lisbon answered with determination. Jane could see that she had already worked this one out on her own and had dealt with it. He knew how much she loved her home and was protective of it. It must have been very difficult to have Red John invade her privacy that way. Jane was proud. Lisbon was strong.

"I'm glad," Sophie said genially, with a soft smile, appearing to mean it. That was one of Sophie's strength, showing that she cared while remaining completely professional. He wondered if she would be able to crack Lisbon. He wasn't too sure. Lisbon had been less than impressed with Sophie the last time they had an encounter. He suspected that part of it had to do with how much Jane trusted Sophie. Lisbon wasn't used to Jane trusting someone almost as much as he trusted her. She had probably felt a bit threatened. He suddenly felt extremely touched that Lisbon had manipulated Heightower and the CBI in order to have Sophie as his psychiatrist. Selfless Lisbon.

"Please, continue," Sophie encouraged Lisbon.

"Where did I leave off?" Lisbon asked, but Jane knew she was just stalling. She was faltering a bit. It was probably much more difficult to remain emotionless and professional than she previously thought.

"You woke up in an unknown warehouse," Sophie reminded her.

Lisbon nodded. "Right, I did. At first, I was confused but it didn't take me long to realize what was going on. I also came to realize that I would most likely die."

Jane's heart stopped at that. When Lisbon had been taken, all his thoughts had been on finding out her whereabouts. He hadn't had time to analyze how she must have been feeling. After he had found her and killed Red John, all he had been thinking about was Red John and how he hadn't avenged his family the way he had wanted to. He had never taken the time to really think how Lisbon must have felt throughout the whole ordeal. It never occurred to him that she had thought for hours that she was going to die.

He looked at Lisbon who was staring at an invisible spot behind Sophie's head. He wanted to take her in his arms, comfort her, keep her safe. He was aware that he always failed miserably at saving her and that she was much more likely to save him instead of the other way around. Nevertheless, the feeling was there and it was overwhelming.

"But you didn't," Sophie stated the obvious, bringing Lisbon back with them, away from the fear of death.

"No, I didn't," she confirmed. She then very furtively glanced at Jane, the ghost of a smile on her lips, and said, "Jane saved me."

Jane had the urge of puffing up his chest and say 'Yes, I did!', but was pretty sure he would meet the blank stares of the two women in the room, so he refrained.

"What happened before Jane arrived?" Sophie asked gently, attempting to make Lisbon comfortable enough to talk about a really painful memory. He wasn't sure it was really working but he doubted anything would make Lisbon comfortable at this point.

Lisbon's gaze went back to the invisible spot as she spoke, "I must have stayed on my own for a couple of hours. I was tied up to a pipe. At first, I tried to free myself but couldn't manage. I then tried to look around to see if there was anything that would help me. I couldn't find anything. I must have tried for about an hour and then wait the other hour. Finally, Red John appeared with a knife in his hand. I was sure I was going to die then. He…" she trailed off, hesitating.

"He, what?" Sophie encouraged her.

"He kissed me," she said. Jane had a chill run up his spine. He hadn't known this. He really hadn't known any of this. He and Lisbon had never talked about what happened.

"For a long time?" Sophie asked her and he wanted to punch her. Didn't she see how horrible this was for Lisbon? Did she really have to probe so much?

Lisbon shook her head. "No. He didn't use his tongue either. He just kissed me for a few seconds and told me how he was going to enjoy taking away the one good thing from Jane's life." Jane could see a tear at the corner of Lisbon's eye. He wanted to grab Lisbon's hand and take her out of this room, away from Sophie's probing questions. Lisbon, however, didn't seem inclined to move. She sat still on the chair, still staring at the invisible spot, but didn't make any motion of wanting to leave.

Sophie nodded wordlessly, probably sensing that asking Lisbon how she felt about this would land her a black eye. She simply asked, "Then what happened?"

"Then he stabbed me in the abdomen. Not enough to kill me; he knew what he was doing. He untied me and laid me on the floor. He hovered over me, staring at me, grinning. I think that's when I passed out from the pain. I believe Jane arrived just a few moments later and then you know as much as I do about what happened. After that, I woke up days later in the hospital and Red John was dead."

"How do you feel now?"

Lisbon frowned at her, unsure what she was asking.

Sophie indicated her stomach. "Your abdomen. Have you recovered well?"

Lisbon's relief was evident. It was obvious she didn't want to talk about her feelings over the events, especially to a psychiatrist. "Oh, I'm fine. I've recovered really well." She was smiling now. Sophie had hit a good spot; Lisbon's work was the most important thing in her life, so knowing that she would soon be physically fit for it again made Lisbon quite happy.

"Good," Sophie smiled back at her. "Are you back on full active duty?"

Lisbon shook her head and finally looked at Sophie. "Not yet. I have an assessment in two weeks and I might be then."

Sophie's smile widened. "You must look forward to it."

Lisbon grinned at her. "I do. I don't mind doing paperwork, but I definitely miss going out in the field. It's easier to investigate when you go to the scene, see how people react to everything that's going on."

Sophie nodded. "I understand. You have to rely a lot more on your team, and Patrick, to do this for you." Lisbon stiffened, probably afraid of where Sophie was going with this. "Do you trust Patrick to do this work well?" Sophie continued and Lisbon relaxed, realizing that the line of questioning would be focused on Jane rather than herself.

Lisbon didn't answer right away, thinking about her answer. "Generally. I'm afraid the team lets him get away with a little bit too much," she told Sophie, a smile playing on her lips. "I'm usually the one who holds him back during investigations."

"Please," Jane protested, speaking for the first time, "Van Pelt cries Mommy for every little thing I do. There's nothing I say or do that the team doesn't make you aware of."

Lisbon looked at him smiling and he smiled back at her. Warmth spread over his body as her eyes stared into his. He was so happy that despite everything that's happened, she was still able to smile and have a sense of humor. Red John hadn't completely broken Teresa Lisbon after all.

"So Patrick, do you feel confident that Agent Lisbon's presence isn't necessary for you to do your work?"

Jane nodded. "Yes, I do. Lisbon can definitely use a bit of time off. She works too hard."

Sophie nodded emphatically. "So you could work for another unit than the SCU and still do very efficient work?"

Bham! Sophie finally stroke. That was her plan all along and Jane had been stupid enough to fall for her trap. Lisbon's account of what had happened had unsettled him so much that he had let his guard down. "That's not what I'm saying, Sophie, and you know it," Jane said, his anger clearly showing in his tone. He wasn't going to let her get away with this.

Sophie nodded, completely composed. "Whether you exactly meant this or not doesn't change the fact that you don't necessarily need to work for Agent Lisbon." Jane looked at Lisbon. She was frowning and had her mean face on. She didn't like what Sophie was suggesting and he was glad. He had Lisbon on his side so Sophie's plan wouldn't work. Lisbon was a force to reckon with and there was no way Sophie would be able to defeat the agent.

"Jane brings his own set of problems, but he's been on my team for over five years now and it's worked really well. Why change it?"

"Please don't feel threatened, Agent Lisbon. I would not recommend transferring Jane unless you asked me specifically to do so," Sophie stated seriously, seemingly meaning every word she was saying.

"Why would I do that?" Lisbon asked, confused. It was evident that the thought had never occurred to Lisbon, at least lately, and Jane was glad that he and Lisbon were on the same page about this.

Sophie shrugged casually. "I don't know. You might at some point. I just wanted to establish that the option is there, that's all."

It was clear as day that it wasn't all. Sophie had something up her sleeve. He had to find out what. He definitely didn't like what she was implying, trying to achieve even. Why was Sophie attempting to have him transferred to another team? What was her goal behind it? Why did she plant the idea in Lisbon's head when it was more than clear that Lisbon didn't like the idea? Why would she get on Lisbon's bad side so willingly without a definite ulterior motive? He had to figure out what was going on quickly so he could perform the appropriate pre-emptive strike.

Lisbon seemed to be satisfied with Sophie's answer, but he could definitely see that she had suddenly gone cold toward the psychiatrist. "Good. We're all happy with the status quo," Lisbon told her.

"I believe you are as well, Patrick, are you?" Sophie asked him.

Jane nodded. "I told you last week; I'm perfectly content with the status quo."

Sophie smiled. "Good, I'm glad that's established. Thank you for coming in Agent Lisbon. I really appreciate that you shared what you experienced. I realize it wasn't easy for you and I won't ask this of you again, I promise. I see that you are coping as well as can be expected under the circumstances and I'm sure that with time, this will just be a really bad memory behind you." Sophie said warmly to her and he could see Lisbon's wall crumbling a bit under Sophie's kindness.

They all got up and the two women shook hands. Lisbon was smiling, albeit a bit tightly. She obviously hadn't forgotten that she had suggested removing Jane from her team. "Thank you, Dr. Miller. Do you think you'll be signing off on Jane soon?" Jane was happy that Lisbon was showing such strong support for him to Sophie.

"We're definitely making progress, Agent Lisbon, but I can't tell how soon I'll be signing off on him. It really all depends on him." Shrink talk. Sophie was really getting on his nerves today. She was losing her charm more and more. He wasn't going to forgive her for trying to separate him from Lisbon anytime soon. Sophie turned to Jane. "Could you stay here for five more minutes? I'd like to speak to you alone about next week."

Jane nodded and looked at Lisbon. "I'll wait for you in the car," Lisbon told him before walking out. Jane sat back down and waited for Sophie to talk. He didn't mind staying behind. He wanted to gather as much information as possible in order to understand what she was trying to do.

"She's an impressive woman," Sophie remarked.

"She is," Jane agreed, but didn't say more. He wanted Sophie to talk, not him.

"You realize she's in love with you as well, right?" Sophie asked him, her signature straightforwardness appearing again.

Jane nodded. "It's been clear for quite some time, a couple of years at least. I'm surprised you saw it. Her body language was definitely controlled."

Sophie nodded, silently agreeing. "It was the way she looked at you, the few short times she did anyway. She can't hide it when she looks at you." Jane nodded. He had noticed that as well and he suspected that Hightower and the team had also noticed. When Sophie realized Jane wasn't going to say anything, She spoke again, "You have to talk to her about this," Sophie told him.

"She's happy with the status quo. She said so herself to you not fifteen minutes ago," he argued.

"Then the conversation shouldn't be too long or difficult," Sophie said with a smile. He wanted to smack the smile off her face.

"Let me guess, you won't sign off on me until I talk to her," Jane said dryly. This was getting old and the carrot was starting to get spoiled. He was going to stop humoring Sophie at some point and think of another strategy to be signed off.

Probably realizing that this was the last straw, Sophie reassured him: "This is my last request, Patrick. You talk to her, we talk about it, and if I feel that you two can work well together, which I don't doubt you will, I will sign off on you. Next week should be our last session."

He nodded. "Fine. Next week is our last session then," he said, happy that he would soon be rid of these mandatory sessions. He didn't like Sophie as much as he did when they first started them. He got up, more than ready to leave her office. "I'll see you next week," he said, not looking at her and walking out, happy that he only had to see her one last time. He would do as she asked, be congenial during the next session and finally be rid of her and her probing questions.

Not that he had forgotten that she was planning something.

~o~

**Author's Notes:**

- Thanks to April, Amy, Anni, Cathartes and Anna for their anonymous reviews.

- I was going to post chapter 4 only, but it's so short that I posted chapter 5 as well. Sorry if you get double alerts.

- You guys are simply AWESOME. Your reviews have me grinning like an idiot for days.


	5. Chapter Six and Seven

**Chapter Six**

As she had said, Lisbon was waiting for him in the car. She smiled at him as he got in the car. "Well, it wasn't as bad as I thought," she commented.

"It wasn't fun either," Jane said dryly.

Lisbon shook her head. "No, it wasn't, but it's over. Well, at least for me. Hope it helped move things forward for you."

"I think it has," he reassured her. He put his hand on her arm when she was about to start the car.

"Listen," he said, "we need to talk."

Lisbon frowned, but sported an amused smile. "You sound so ominous."

"I don't expect this will be a very pleasant conversation."

Her smile faltered. "Why have it then?"

"Because Sophie won't sign off on me until we do," he explained. Lisbon sighed in resignation and turned in her seat to face him, waiting expectantly for him to speak. "You remember how you told Sophie you liked the status quo?" She nodded. "So do I."

"Okay…" Lisbon trailed off, frowning in clear confusion.

Jane cleared his throat. "I know you're in love with me," he said and held up his hand as soon as Lisbon opened her mouth to speak. "And I am in love with you, but like I just said, I like the status quo and have very little inclination to change it."

"How would you define the status quo?" she asked, still frowning. Her tone was very much controlled and he could pratically see her building the wall between them.

"We're friends."

Lisbon stiffened, obviously unhappy with what he was saying. "So you're in love with me, but you're perfectly content with us being only friends?"

"Yes."

She slowly nodded, taking everything in. She remained silent for a few minutes and then asked: "Are you really in love with me?"

"I thought we had established that already," Jane said, seeing that this conversation was about to take a very nasty turn, but didn't know how to prevent it from happening.

"How can you be, Jane? I guess it's been such a long time since you were in love you don't remember what it's like."

Nasty turn. "Lisbon…" he said without any intention of saying more.

"When you're in love, you want to be with that person as much as you can."

"And I do!" he argued.

"When you're in love, you want to be with them all the time," she continued, ignoring his interruption. "You want to touch them, kiss them, make love to them. You don't want to be just friends."

"You know it's more complicated than that," Jane said meekly. He had hurt her and he didn't know how to repair it.

"It shouldn't be. Maybe Dr. Miller was right. It wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing if you work with another unit for a while," she said angrily as she started the car.

Jane wanted to argue but he knew there was very little point when Lisbon was like this. The best thing to do was to wait for her to calm down and talk to her then. He doubted she would act on her threat of having him transfer to another unit. They had been working together for too long and she was as keen as he was to have his contract with the CBI renewed.

~o~

**Chapter Seven**

Jane was wrong. The next week Sophie started the conversation with this: "I spoke to Agent Lisbon yesterday. She seemed to feel that it might be best if you worked with another team for a little while."

"You got your way," he said angrily. He was pretty sure at this point that any other psychiatrist would have been better than Sophie. She had manipulated him right to the very end and he had let her because he had been stupid enough to trust her.

"This wasn't what I wanted, believe it or not, Patrick. Nevertheless, I managed to convince Lisbon to share you with another team rather than transferring you completely. I've briefly spoken to Agent Heightower and she thinks you would be of great assistance to the Homicides unit. I'll of course give her my official recommendation after this session."

"Is there any way for me to persuade you to recommend that I only work with the SCU?" he asked half-hopeful. He felt that he was a victim of a nasty conspiracy against him.

"I'm afraid not. Agent Lisbon seemed adamant on this point."

"It's your fault, you know."

Sophie nodded. "I realize my share of responsibilities, but you know that Teresa is only reacting to your attitude."

"We were perfectly content before you forced me to talk to her," he argued. He knew he sounded like a pouting child but he didn't care. He was really unhappy with how things were turning.

"Perfectly content because she hadn't realized that her feelings were reciprocated?" Sophie asked him pointedly.

"Actually, the problem is that she doesn't believe me," Jane rectified her.

Sophie frowned. "What do you mean?"

"She doesn't think I can possibly love her and only want to remain friends."

Sophie smiled. Her smiles were seriously annoying him now. This was probably a retribution for him mocking her love life a couple of years ago. "It's what I've been trying to tell you," Sophie said unhelpfully.

"You two are so small-minded; it's irritating. I can't be with Lisbon. I can't offer her a relationship. I'm too broken for it, but that doesn't erase how I feel about her. Lisbon doesn't believe that I love her. I think she believes that I'm saying this to soften the blow of not reciprocating her feelings," he said, irritated. "There are more ways than one to love someone and this is how I love Lisbon. I can't love her any other way."

Sophie looked at him for a few moments, taking in what he had just said. "It doesn't matter; Agent Lisbon still believes you aren't in love with her. I understand how she doesn't want you near her. Very little is as painful as unrequited love. Even if a small part of her believes that you do love her but don't want a relationship, the situation is still extremely hurtful to her. To desire someone so fervently and not having them desire you back is really, really painful. She loves you, she desires you and you don't desire her back. How do you think that makes her feel?"

"I don't want to hurt her," he blurted out. "But I can't be what she wants me to be."

Sophie nodded and smiled sadly. "I know, which is why a little time apart will do both of you good. You'll still consult for the SCU and see each other once in a while. This isn't a complete separation."

"I never realized how much…" he trailed off.

"I know," Sophie said in a reassuring tone. "This is why I am finally signing off on you, Patrick. I wanted you to realize the impact you have on people. I wanted you to realize that you're not a ghost; you're a full human being and you have a life. Now that you have all the pieces of the puzzle, you can start building it however you want."

Jane got up and shook Sophie's hand. "I'm not sure if I should thank you or insult you," he told her wryly.

Sophie smiled again, seemingly uncaring about how conflicted his emotions were towards her. "I was never here to be your friend, Patrick. I wanted to help you gather all the elements you needed to move forward after Red John's death. I feel I have accomplished that."

"You've broken my friendship with Lisbon in the process," Jane accused her, but she shook her head, undisturbed by his accusation.

"I haven't. Your friendship is too strong. It'll mend, give it time." She paused and then said ardently, looking at him straight in the eye, "You know this." She walked him to the door. "I'll recommend that I see you again for a really short session in about a month, just to see how you're doing."

"You really can't let go, can you? Just like Alex Nelson, huh?" He couldn't help the little dig at her. He felt it was a really small act of retribution compared to what she had done to him.

"Touché." Sophie grinned. "You'll thank me one day, Patrick, I am sure. Be well," she said confidently but warmly, squeezing his arm before he left the office.

~o~


	6. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight**

One morning, Sanders, the head of the Homicides Unit with whom Jane had been working the previous three weeks, accosted him on his way to the kitchen. "You're going to be working with the SCU's case for the next few days. Heightower's orders."

Jane nodded and Sanders left the kitchen. He had surprisingly liked working with Sanders. He was a straightforward guy who never lied. He didn't always agree with Jane's methods and often voiced it, but appreciated and recognized his help. He and Sanders had quickly fallen into a rhythm that worked quite well.

Nevertheless, Jane missed Lisbon terribly. He craved to see her smile (or her scowl). He missed the faint cinnamon scent that enveloped her. He missed her not-so-comfortable couch to sleep on. He also missed the team: Cho's stoic presence, Rigsby's eagerness and Van Pelt's optimism. A rush of excitement took over his body when he first heard Sanders' words. It left quickly, however, as he realized he would properly interact with Lisbon for several days. During the last three weeks he had run into her in the kitchen or hall a few times. Those encounters had usually been brief and awkward, more on her side than his. He had simply been happy to see her while she obviously felt uncomfortable to run into him like this. He would remain professional so she would feel at ease and everything would be more or less back to normal.

And miraculously, it was just that. Lisbon seemed quite comfortable to have Jane back on her team and treated him just like she had always treated him before he left.

There was just an itty bitty tiny hiccup.

Jane felt more hopelessly in love with Lisbon than he had ever been. He suddenly felt the urge to touch her whenever she was less than two feet away from him. Every time she smiled, or even spoke, he wanted to kiss her. If a strand of hair was astray, he had to force himself not to tuck it behind her ear and take the opportunity to run his hand in her hair.

It was torture.

Of course, this case was an out-of-town case so Jane was also forced to lie on an uncomfortable bed in the room next door to Lisbon's room.

He could hear the noises from her room of a shower running and the image of a naked, wet Lisbon was torturing him. Without thinking, he got up and jimmied his way into her room within two minutes. The unit was hardly staying at the Ritz so it was a fairly easy matter to accomplish. The bathroom door was ajar and before he could even think of talking himself out of it, he undressed and jumped into the shower.

At his invasion of her privacy, Lisbon whipped around, mouth open and ready to scream until she noticed who it was. She gathered all her strength to collect herself. She finally closed her mouth and stood there, glaring at him, obviously angry.

For once Jane wasn't sure what to say. He hadn't thought this through before jumping into the shower. All he had been thinking of was that there was a naked Lisbon in the next room and that he wanted to be with her. Now that he was standing in her shower stark naked as well, he wasn't sure how to justify his actions so he just said the only thing he could think of:

"I love you."

"So you've said before," Lisbon retorted, not softening one bit by his declaration.

Jane thought about what he wanted to say next, if he was really ready to say those words and if he was ready to live with them. He wanted them to be honest and a true reflection of how he felt rather than a way of getting himself out of this current messy situation. Their separation had brought out something deep inside of him that couldn't be tucked back in. "I want to be with you, and not just tonight. I want to be with you tomorrow, and the day after, and next week, and next month, and next year, and even ten years from now."

Lisbon's eyes widened, but her lips were as tight as ever. She was surprised, but sceptical. "What changed your mind?"

"I missed you so much. I want to touch you. All the time. You were right, Lisbon; when you're in love, you want to be with the person all the time, you want to touch them all the time and I do. I want to be with you, touch you, talk to you, and kiss you all the time." He could hear the desperation in his voice and he didn't like it. For years, even before Angela and Charlotte died, Jane had maintained his cool, detached approach. After years of bullying from his father, he had built a carapace immune to any kind of threat to his vulnerability. He had only shown his deep vulnerable feelings to Angela a few times and it was difficult to show them again to someone completely new. But he trusted Lisbon. She would eventually see his sincerity. She knew him better than anyone else.

"What if you change your mind tomorrow?" she asked him, obviously not trusting him, which she had every right to.

"I won't," he assured her, grinning. She shook her head, unconvinced, but it didn't deter him. He knew he was winning her over as she kept questioning him. If she was truly convinced that he hadn't changed his mind for good, he would have been promptly kicked out of her shower a good two minutes ago. He pressed on, "I won't, I assure you. I won't because I felt like this last month. I just didn't know it. I was trying to make myself believe that I didn't really desire you, but I do. I really do. I've wanted you for a really long time. You know that football jersey you have?"

Lisbon nodded hesitantly, obviously confused about where he was going with this.

"The first time I saw you in it was the night we trapped Carmen. Remember that night? Of course you remember that night. You were so beautiful. You were fighting back. You were my strong Lisbon. And you were doing all of it half naked without an ounce of embarrassment. You were, are, so fantastic. And that wasn't the first time I noticed you were attractive; I've always known it. But that was the first time I desired you. That was the first time that I wanted to take you to a bed and make love to you all night long. Just like that horrible Bryan Adams song." He was holding her head in his hands, caressing both cheeks with his thumbs. She was standing naked in front of him, but he was focused on her face, her eyes. He wanted her to understand how much he loved her and wanted to be with her, and that it wasn't going to go away.

"That was almost three years ago," Lisbon pointed out, incredulous, yet obviously pleased that he remembered as a soft smile formed on her lips and her eyes softened.

"Yes, it was," Jane agreed. "I wasn't ready then. I wasn't ready a month ago, but I am now. I love you and I really want to be with you if you'll have me." The last part was completely said in order to appeal to her control freak side. The more he appealed to it, the better his chances were. All was fair in love and war.

Lisbon, unable to speak, just nodded. He had finally convinced her. Jane grinned and she smiled back. She took his head and made him lean down to meet her. She gave him a soft kiss at first, tasting his lips, sizing their shape and taste. She kissed him again, this time trailing her tongue over them. She finally kissed him a third time with her tongue inside his inviting mouth. It was bliss. It was heaven. She tasted amazingly Lisbon and he felt he couldn't get enough of her. Her tongue felt amazing against his, warm and velvety. He wondered if he would ever feel like he'd had enough of this. He doubted he would. He lowered his hands and ran them across her back. She eagerly wrapped her arms around his neck trying to bring their bodies as close to one another as she could. He propped her up against the shower wall and she wrapped her legs around his waist. He was hard and erect against her and she attempted to lift herself up just enough so he would be able to enter her. He stilled her immediately. "It might sound a bit sappy, but I really don't want our first time to be against a shower wall."

She nodded in agreement, untangled herself, and lowered herself back to the shower floor. She turned off the shower while Jane grabbed two towels and handed one to Lisbon. It was a bit awkward at this point. They had flirted once in a while over the years but it had hardly prepared them for a situation like this.

~o~

**Author's Notes:** So sorry for the very long delay. Work and life have taken over. There's only two chapters left after this one and I promise it won't take me as long to update. Everything's written and betaed. I just need to edit once more before publishing so it really shouldn't take too long. Thanks for reading :)


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